I am having such a difficult time with this! I can't seem to wrap my head around this. I haven't started any treatments... though I've had them since Thursday night. It even seems unreasonable to my own mind:
All I want is for this to be over... right? Well, they why haven't I started treatment??? Why!???! I'll tell you why... because no matter what treatment I use, how long I use it, how often I use it, when I even start it... THIS WILL NEVER BE OVER!! I guess in my feeble mind I think that since there is not cure: "what the heck! why even bother!!" I just have to get passed this little pot-hole. My friend* told me that I have to go through a "grieving" period. I guess that is where I am at. I do kind of feel like part of me died. I REALLY don't want this to RUN or RUIN my life. I just wish I could bypass this current 'period' and get to it. But something is stopping me - not sure what it is though. A little bit of self pity I suppose. A whole lot of anger, disappointment, shame... you name it! Maybe there is a thought that as long as I don't start treatment, then it won't be REAL. Craaapppp!!! This just isn't fair!! I remember in my early 20's people used to tell me I had such beautiful skin.. HA! I have been wondering for the past 10 years, what happened to that beautiful skin. It's all splotchy now... red marks, lesions, unhealed dots all over - legs - arms - neck - face - back ----EVERYWHERE!! Then there is the head... oohhhhh let's not get started with that! "Oh, you have the MOST gorgeous hair!!! I wish mine was like yours... can I brush/play with it??? It's just so nice and full and shiny!" Well! How do I look now? I hate my hair now... it won't stop falling out, my head is full of this crap! More often than not, I wear a hat to cover up my problem.
Awww, crap! I guess, I just need to stop feeling sorry for myself! Kinda hard to do that. I am just not motivated to start treatment as it 1 - makes all this REAL for me; and 2 - seems to take up so much time and energy, just to walk out the door in the morning.
If anyone is reading this and understands or has been where I am at.... please leave a comment about how you got through the initial shock of your dx and what brought you to motivation of healing. Thanks everyone for listening to me ramble~
IHGG,
Me
About Me
- VeganMom
- Geez, what more can I say here? Just look at my interests, movies and books - it all says a lot about me!
Susan, nice to see you in the blogsphere!
ReplyDeleteI am a vegan, I am a psoriatic/psoriasis sufferer, an advocate and I am a blogger.
I have been blogging since January, and I love it! I share my vegan recipes, talk about things that are important to me and talk about psoriasis at times too. I wanted to let you know I am supporting you!